Click here to subscribe today or Login.
Dear Annie: I have been with “Jim” for almost a year. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.
The problem is, Jim never stops looking at other women when we are out. When I finally mentioned it to him, he said I don’t trust him. Annie, it isn’t an issue of trust. It’s respect. He makes me feel inadequate. I let him know that I cannot compete with all these other women, and his response was that I need to find someone else.
I don’t want anyone else, all I want is his attention on me when we are together. He told me that all of his male friends think looking is OK. I don’t mind it most of the time, but it bothers me when we can’t have a conversation because he loses concentration. He never wants to discuss any issues we have. Instead, he gets up and leaves and says we need a few days apart, which I don’t think is healthy for a relationship. He has never said, “Let’s try and work on it.” He never admits he is wrong, always putting the blame on me.
I need advice on what I can do or say that would make him see that I love him and respect him, but I need the same from him. — Nervous Nellie
Dear Nellie: Here’s our advice: Say goodbye to Jim and find someone more mature, decent and emotionally available. His roving eyes don’t have to be a major problem. But any guy who refuses to discuss important issues, won’t admit he’s ever wrong, puts the blame for everything on you and then tells you to find someone else if you don’t like it, is not marriage material. You will spend your married life miserable, twisting yourself into a pretzel to get his respect and attention. We can assure you, nothing you do will make him treat you any better. Get out while you can.
Dear Annie: I have three stepchildren whom I have helped raise since they were little. The boy lived with us and the girls came every other weekend. They are now in their 20s and 30s. I have been good to these kids and always treated them as my own.
The thing that hurts me is that on Mother’s Day, I don’t get any acknowledgment whatsoever. On Father’s Day, my husband gets phone calls and expensive gifts from his kids. I have children from a previous marriage and they love my husband and always visit him on Father’s Day and bring him cards and gifts. It’s the same at Christmas. His children give him expensive presents, and I’m lucky to get a trinket from the dollar store.
How can I get over the hurt? — Crying on the Inside
Dear Crying: You are not likely to get a gift of equal value to your husband’s, nor should you expect one, but his kids can certainly give you a card on these special occasions to show that they are thinking of you. Have you mentioned it to them or to your husband? It’s OK to let them know how much these things would mean to you.
