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PLAINS TWP. — First one candle was lit, then a second, then nearly 30 in a circle of family members and friends of murdered loved ones as they took turns dedicating the flames to those most special to them who were taken too early.
The group, all of whom were connected to people lost to acts of violence, gathered to mourn and remember their fallen as the third annual Candle Light Vigil in Memory of Murder Victims was held at the gazebo at the Plains Township Municipal Park Friday evening.
The vigil takes place on Sept. 25 each year in recognition of the National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims.
Donna Walling of Plains, who lost her daughter, Jamie, in 2000 has organized the event since 2013, and she explained that the inspiration for the gathering came out of her process in dealing with her pain.
Jamie Walling was only 21 years old when her boyfriend shot her.
“The pain I was feeling, my husband and I shared, but I was the type that had to keep going with it,” Walling said. “He suffered silently, but I couldn’t do that, and I thought, ‘I’m not the only one. There’s got to be (many) parents out there going through the same thing. Maybe we could talk to each other.”
Walling said a friend led her to the National Organization for Parents of Murdered Children, and after communicating with people on their forum, she realized she was feeling, thinking and acting in ways that were shared by other parents who had lost children to violence.
Walling started the ceremony by sharing her story and explaining how the National Day of Remembrance came to be after the United States Congress passed a resolution in 2007.
She stated that every year, an estimate 13,196 people are murdered in the United States and went on to say that family members of those lost in violent ways understand each others’ feelings. “As time goes by, we walk a little stronger, but no one knows how we feel,” Walling said.
She took a moment to remember her daughter, saying, “Jamie loved life, lived for every minute of every day, had a smile that could light up a dark room.”
Then, in front of a triptych displaying the pictures of murder victims from throughout Northeastern Pennsylvania, including those tied to the families in attendance, Walling invited others to speak.
Tammy Purpura, of Plains, lost all three of her children when her ex-husband killed them, on Father’s Day weekend, 24 years ago, before turning his gun on himself.
Purpura said although years have passed, the grieving process does not get easier. “To this day, they’re still with me,” she said.
Purpura was the friend who introduced Walling to POMC, and she spoke about the importance of such events to spread awareness of support to families of murder victims.
“I spoke to everyone out there, and it was POMC who actually got it, actually knew what it was like,” Purpura said. She said each person who has experienced losing someone to violence can help the next a little more.
Susan Curley-Grady, of Bethlehem, was on hand with her husband Glen and her brother David, to remeber her brother Bobby, who was poisoned by his wife in 1991.
Curley-Grady said Curley was a wonderful brother and she often thinks of what kind of person he would have become with age.
A special candle was lit in memory of Curley-Grady’s mother, Mary, who passed away recently and was lovingly referred to as “Ma” by the rest of the vigil group.
Curley-Grady also thanked Pat Rushton, outreach manager for the Victims Resourch Center in Wilkes-Barre, and noted that VRC has helped her family and many others.
Walling directed a Northeastern Pennsylvania branch of POMC for four years and has held similar events in the rotunda of the Luzerne County courthouse in past years. Although the chapter is closed, she continues to hold vigils yearly.
She noted that everyone grieves in a unique way but said the vigils can help some grieving parents open up to others. Walling added that a common misconception is that the parents don’t want people to bring up their children.
“We love to talk about our children,” Walling said. “There’s nothing to feel guilty about if you bring (them) up. We might shed a few tears over the memories, but that’s OK.”
Walling closed the ceremony by saying, “Rest in peace, all you beautiful people,” before blowing out her candle and reminding all in attendance that it is up to them to keep the memories of lost loved ones alive.
