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Sunday, July 18, 1999     Page: 3A

Carnival of the bizarre
   
In the old days, the mark of a good carnival could be gauged by the geeks-
the guys who bit the heads off live chickensThis year’s Pittston Township fire
company picnic does not need anyone to bite off the heads of live fowl to draw
attention to the event.
    Rancor and rifts have turned the longtime annual event into the most foul
public fiasco in the history of bazaars, lawn socials or whatever else you
call this blessed season of fried foods, booze tents and gambling wheels with
cash pay outs.
   
Decapitating some poor cluckhead pales in comparison to the wild chicken
dance causing feathers to fly at the township carnival. Tonight’s grand finale
caps a week’s worth of nastiness that likely will end the tradition forever.
   
After 34 years, a mountain of candy apples, Italian sausage, greasy fried
dough and other local gastronomic favorites will forever level off. A river of
hard liquor and foamy beer will dry up.
   
Only the ire will build. The vendetta will live forever.
   
Talk about a legacy to leave the kids.
   
Guys will be punching each other in bars and social clubs throughout the
township for the next 50 years arguing about who started the mess.
   
By most accounts, the fair is a clean, safe and relatively wholesome
gathering that draws about 30,000 celebrants over six nights. Except for the
drinking and the Big Six gambling wheel, the outdoor party is as much a
traditional family event as any wedding, wake or christening.
   
But, we all know that weddings, wakes, christenings and other coalcracking
occasions laden with emotion, food and drink sometimes get out of hand.
   
Still, in many ways, these summer events are staples of the Northeastern
Pennsylvania coal region.
   
So who’s to blame for bringing about the end?
   
Pick your poison.
   
In the minds of many, township Administrator and Board of Supervisors’
nominee Tony Attardo is the main culprit.
   
Attardo has a reputation as an aggressive, in-your-face kind of politician
who supposedly carries a 20-year grudge. Attardo once ran for state
representative and lost. Now, critics claim, he wants everybody who opposed
him to lose, too.
   
Attardo describes himself as a nonviolent, law-abiding citizen whose only
concern is that teenagers might get their hands on beer that’s sold at the
event.
   
A neighborhood guy himself, Attardo has no problem with the booze.
   
“Hey, if you want to drink your lungs out, we don’t care,” he said Friday.
   
But, when it comes to protecting “youth,” Attardo considers his opposition
to allowing picnickers to walk around the grounds carrying beer as his civic
duty.
   
As of Friday, boozers still were free to wander, Attardo said.
   
Why not shut down the booze tent?
   
Such a suggestion borders on sacrilege.
   
“They probably wouldn’t run the affair,” Attardo said, adding he wouldn’t
mind prohibition as a compromise.
   
Fire Department officials seem beyond negotiation.
   
“We’re just fed up,” said Frank, who answered the phone at the Fire
Department social hall and declined to give his last name. Frank said Attardo
and his allies have tossed every obstacle they could find into the path of the
pro-carnival forces.
   
Disputes over parking, a stinky petting zoo, a minor Ferris wheel accident
and the availability of toilets have turned a nice family event into an affair
worthy of divorce court. Somebody even complained about a black carnival
worker using the toilet in the park across the street from the carnival.
   
It’s no wonder that some people take a drink in order to swallow all the
fuss.
   
An appropriate toast is in order.
   
Here’s mud in your eye.
   
Steve Corbett’s column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. E-mail him at
[email protected]