I don’t know why everyone is so upset over all that constipated legislative meandering that’s going on in Washington these days. Being pigheaded stubborn and unreasonable is about as American as filibusters and apple pie.
If you don’t believe that, then you’ve never tried to make a trade in a fantasy football league.
You go out and try to make your team better by wheeling and dealing, and you run into “that owner” who just doesn’t get the idea of buying low and selling high.
Who is “that owner?”
Oh, you know him. He comes in a number of incarnations, but all of them exist, seemingly, just to confound, befuddle and drive us nuts.
See how many of these types you recognize.
THE RIP-OFF ARTIST: The only “fair” trades are the ones where he wins, and wins big. This is the guy who offers you David Wilson for Marshawn Lynch. Or maybe a package deal of Andy Dalton and Lamar Miller for Peyton Manning. And don’t try to offer a fair counter-trade either. He’ll just turn that down without blinking. Nope, only the fantasy football equivalent of the Norman Conquest of England will do for the rip-off artist.
THE SABOTEUR: The good thing about having a trade vote is it gives owners a voice in running the league. The bad thing is, it allows owners to cast a “no” vote just because they can. The saboteur doesn’t take the deal’s fairness into account. He’ll vote against a trade because he doesn’t want anyone to get better. This is the guy who proudly says, “I vote against every trade.” Hey, that kind of thinking should earn you a seat in Congress.
THE WATCHDOG: Come up with a good offer, find a willing trade partner and you think the deal’s done. Think again. The watchdog is on the prowl. He’s decided that your trade is unfair. So unfair, that he’ll go out a wage a PR campaign against it. He gets out the phone and starts with the “Did you see so and so’s trying to trade Brandon Marshall? You have to vote against it.” If he could, he’d put up yard signs and billboards that say “Vote NO! to the Brandon Marshall trade.”
THE DRAFT-DAY ZEALOT: So, you took Chris Johnson in the second round and he’s not working out for you. You look around and strike a deal with the Knowshon Moreno owner. You’re taking a chance Moreno stays healthy, and the other guy is hoping Johnson lives up to his talent. Ohhh, but no so fast bucko! The draft-day zealot is around, and he says it’s unfair to trade a second round pick for a 14th-rounder. Lets forget the fact that each new season reshuffles player values. This guy has locked in players at their draft-day values and he’s not budging. He’s another owner who’d do well on Capitol Hill.
THE IGNORE-THE-MATH MAN: There are various tools out there to see if a potential trade is on the level. A lot of websites will assign values to players and you can easily check those out when considering deals. But Ignore-the-Math Man doesn’t care about those rankings. He doesn’t care that the total fantasy points on both sides of a trade are relatively even. He knows that one guy is better than the other based on the fact that he KNOWS. In fact, he may be the only man on the planet smart enough to see the real truth.
QUICK HITS FOR WEEK 6
Start ‘em: Cam Newton is a frustrating fella. He floats just outside of the upper echelon of fantasy QBs and seems like he’s ready to join the club. Then he goes out and puts up a three interception stinker. That inconsistency can be maddening. But it also means he’s going to have some awesome games half the time as well. Today’s matchup against the Vikings falls into that good half.
The situation in Tampa Bay is a mess. The offense has been gawd awful, which hasn’t helped potential stud RB Doug Martin. Defenses have keyed on him, and the lousy offense has limited his TD opportunities. But two good things happen this week. The team comes off a bye, and that could give them time to work in rookie QB Mike Glennon. And the Eagles come to town with their 31st-ranked defense.
The Denver Broncos rank last in the NFL in pass defense. Not because they’re that bad, it’s just because with an offense that scores 46 points a game, opposing teams are forced to throw. That means that the Jaguars’ Justin Blackmon and Cecil Shorts should be in your starting lineup. Not that Jacksonville stands a chance, but they’ll be plenty of garbage time in this one to pad the statbook.
Bonus play: Watch what’s happening in San Diego with WR Keenan Allen. He’s becoming the No. 1 WR in a pass happy offense.
It’s not that I think Lions QB Matthew Stafford is going to have a lousy game. He’ll probably put up decent numbers against the Browns. Problem is, you didn’t draft Stafford to put up decent numbers. You took him to be a stalwart at QB. Facing a tough defense on the road with the NFL’s best receiver nursing a knee injury isn’t a recipe for a big game
Let’s just name the RB you should sit this week as the winner of the Chris Johnson Award. And this week’s Chris Johnson winner is … Chris Johnson. Remember when this guy ran for 2,000 yards and scored 16 TDs? He’s been living on that reputation for four years now. If it wasn’t for a 49-yard screen pass for a TD last week, he’d have opened the season with five games of single-digit fantasy points. This week, he gets the “honor” of playing IN Seattle. Enjoy the coffee and the cloudy skies. Maybe pick up a vintage plaid shirt, Chris. At least you’ll come home with something.
In PPR league the Steelers’ Antonio Brown has been a beast. He’s had 21 catches over the last two games. Logic suggests, he’s a must-start guy right now. Logic needs to stay off the sauce. Pittsburgh fell behind big in those weeks and tried to stage a couple of furious comebacks. The Jets offense just isn’t an explosive unit. It’s based on ball-control and safe passes for a rookie QB. And New York’s defense is pretty good. Just seems like a low-scoring affair without huge passing numbers.