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Thursday, January 29, 2004 Page: 3A
Nanticoke is broke. Pittston is pinching pennies. The cupboards are bare in
Wilkes-Barre.
Many municipalities in Luzerne County are struggling to pay the bills and
maintain services in the face of stagnant revenues and escalating costs.
The county faces a deficit so daunting – $23 million – that playing
Powerball might be the only way out.
New sources of revenue are limited for local governments. They can’t print
money like the federal government. They can’t start a lottery or open casinos
or sell liquor like the state.
So what are our poor council members and supervisors supposed to do? Lay
off their friends, relatives and supporters? Raise real estate taxes, along
with the ire of the voters? Cut their own salaries, benefits or expense
accounts? There must be some other way.
Those deepest in debt – Luzerne County and the City of Wilkes-Barre – have
hired financial experts to lead them out of the wilderness. The rest can’t
afford it.
But you don’t have to spend a lot to save a little. Good financial advice
is as close as your nearest toy store. You can learn a lot from Monopoly.
Here are the rules
Jones: “Tell us about the Mr. Monopoly Municipal Recovery Plan.”
Mr. Monopoly: “You have to roll the dice, and be proactive. You can’t sit
around waiting for your life insurance to mature or hoping for a bank error in
your favor.
“Look at ways to cut costs. For example, give all the inmates a `get out
of jail free’ card, fire the warden and close the prison.
“Find creative ways to raise revenue. Enter a beauty contest and win $10.
Get $45 from the sale of stock. Check to see if your Christmas fund has
matured.
“And don’t be afraid to take a chance. Who knows? You could collect $150.
“If you’re looking for a good source of reliable revenue, take over the
railroads, the water company and the electric company.
“And start collecting the $75 Luxury Tax.
“In urban areas, apply the tax to people who have guard dogs, security
lighting and alarm systems – proof that they own expensive stuff worth
stealing.
“Out in the boondocks, people who own extended-cab pickup trucks, ATVs, or
more than one hunting rifle would pay.
“Don’t let impoverished people off the hook. I would recommend they pay a
Poor Tax of $15.
“How will they come up with the money? By collecting $50 from the newly
elected chairman of the board, just like the card says.
“As soon as the tax receipts start coming in, invest heavily in the hotel
industry.
“I suggest using the power of eminent domain to acquire three parcels of
land of the same color, preferably in a high-rent district. Then put up four
houses, tear them down, and replace them with a luxury hotel that charges
exorbitant prices, just like in Monopoly.
“The other thing you want to do is Pass Go just as often as you possibly
can, even if it means advancing to St. Charles Place.
“By passing Go a single time, a local government can collect enough money
to fill dozens of potholes, or pay a part-time policeman for an entire week.
“And I can’t overstate the importance of elections. You have to choose a
banker you can trust.”
Call Jones at 829-7215 or e-mail [email protected]