>> HAIL TO THE PREZ: With Inauguration Day coming up, what better time is there to learn about our commanders-in-chief? Enter The History Channel and its new show ‚??The Ultimate Guide to the Presidents,‚?Ě debuting at 9 p.m. Tuesday. I bet the ‚??Ultimate Guide‚?Ě has EVERYTHING you ever wanted to know about the presidency. Not so fast, filibuster breath. It probably won‚??t tell you that William Taft was so fat he once got stuck in a White House bathtub. Or that Herbert Hoover was once publicly introduced as ‚??Hoobert Heever.‚?Ě Or that James K. Polk had a pet Kraken named Odysseus and was really an alien cyborg from the planet Xylox 7. That was in the June 8, 1849 edition of the Weekly World News, so it must be true.
>> GREAT SKATES: Ice skating fans and Disney lovers will be in frozen mouse heaven this Wednesday when ‚??Disney On Ice presents 100 Years of Magic‚?Ě triple lutzes into the Mohegan Sun Arena for six days of shows. But with the skating Mickeys, Donalds, Goofys and Jiminy Crickets comes one very troubling question: What exactly do they mean by ‚??100 years of magic?‚?Ě The Disney company was founded in 1923, so that‚??s not it. Disney on Ice started in 1981 and ice skating shows in the late 1930s, so that‚??s not it either. Wait. Maybe they mean MAGIC. Yeah, magic was invented 100 years ago. That must be it.
>> NADA. ZIP. BUPKIS: Pay no attention to Wednesday. There‚??s nothing to see there. In fact, don‚??t even note the day on your calendar or celebrate in any way. It‚??s ‚??National Nothing Day,‚?Ě a day destined to be ignored. The idea was the 1973 brainchild of a former humor columnist for The Associated Press and was meant to be an ‚??un-event‚?Ě for which Americans could just do nothing. Paradoxically, if one does nothing on National Nothing Day, then one is actually observing the holiday and therefore doing SOMETHING. Hmmmm. That‚??s deep.
>> 2 + 2 = FUN: Ahhhh, math. The nemesis of many a school kid. The single most defining reason that some people go into journalism rather than, say, a lucrative career in computer science. But there‚??s a man named Bradley Fields who wants to fix all that and make math fun again ‚?? like it was in Euclid‚??s day. Fields is the host of ‚??MatheMagic!,‚?Ě an audience-participation show for kids designed to make learning math fun. His show will be at the F.M. Kirby Center in the 600th minute of the 17th day of the 2,013th year ‚?? which translates to 10 a.m. Thursday.
>> AHH-NOLD: Ever since he left as governor of California, movie fans have been anxiously awaiting Arnold Schwarzenegger‚??s return to the screen. Because if there‚??s one thing movies fans can‚??t get enough of, it‚??s a 66-year-old man beating the bejeezers out of fit, young actors pretending to be fit, young gang members. The movie is called ‚??The Last Stand,‚?Ě and it opens this Friday. Don‚??t expect subtlety. Expect explosions, guns, death and witty one-liners. Although, considering Arnold‚??s age, his famous ‚??I‚??ll be back,‚?Ě line will be changed to ‚??OW! My back!‚?Ě