>> MR. GRUMPYPANTS: Ahhhh, you darn kids! Get off my front page, now! Go away! Scat! Shoo! I‚??ve about had enough of you people, what with your reading habits looking at my words! Find your own 5 Things! Ahhh. Lucky for me this Tuesday is ‚??Curmudgeons Day,‚?Ě so my ill-tempered outburst is appropriate for louts such as yourselves. So, go ahead! Be downright cantankerous and miserable! See if I care!
>> A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR: The biggest TV event of any year is the Super Bowl, with hundreds of bazillions of people tuning in. And while the game is the big attraction, it‚??s the commercials that have tongues a‚?? wagging the next day. From Mean Joe Greene trading his sweaty clothes for a Coke, to the E*Trade baby risking his family‚??s bank account on the open market, the ads make an impression. How much of one? CBS wants to know. Fans can vote for their all-time favorite ad spots during ‚??Super Bowl‚??s Greatest Commercials 2013,‚?Ě airing at 8 p.m. Wednesday.
>> THE CANOODLING DEAD: Zombies are a big deal these days. For some strange psychological reason, people are really into undead creatures that feed on human flesh. So it was only a matter of time before studio types came up with a zombie take on ‚??Romeo and Juliet.‚?Ě ‚?Ľ ‚??Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?‚?Ě ‚?Ľ ‚??ERRRAAARRR!‚?Ě ‚?Ľ If that seems like a cool idea, then shamble on over to your local theater Friday for ‚??Warm Bodies,‚?Ě a romantic zombie comedy. Or romzomcom for short.
>> THE SHADOW KNOWS: Right about now, Punxsutawney Phil is looking in a mirror frantically practicing his shadow-forecasting technique. Such is the life of the world‚??s most famous rodent in the days leading up to Feb. 2. Groundhog Day is this Saturday, and tradition has it that if the groundhog leaves his den and sees his shadow it means six more weeks of winter. If he doesn‚??t see his shadow, he puts on shorts and sunglasses and books a flight to Orlando.
>> TWO BROTHERS ENTER. ONE BROTHER LEAVES: Even if you‚??re not a sports fan, you will probably be sick and tired of the name ‚??Harbaugh‚?Ě by the end of the week. Maybe you‚??ve heard? The Ravens and 49ers are playing in Super Bowl XLVII this Sunday and the teams are coached by the Amazing Flying Harbaugh Brothers ‚?? Jim the 49ers and John the Ravens. So no matter what the outcome, it‚??s a sure thing one brother will be sitting at the kiddie table during family dinners. Super Bowl XLVII kicks off at 6:30 p.m. on CBS. If you‚??re interested.