Last updated: February 19. 2013 3:37PM - 167 Views

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Can you smell it?

Ahhhh, yes. That's the smell of politics in the air.

You can tell it's politics by the distinctive aroma of hot air and horse doo-doo, mixed with equal doses of cologne and negativity.

It's that final weekend before America votes and chooses the guy we're going to complain about for the next four years. Time to ratchet up the campaigns!

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, it seems like a good time to hold our own fantasy football election. Here are the races, complete with some campaign ads. Hey. It wouldn't be a real election without them.


Candidate A: Peyton Manning. Born into a football family, Peyton Manning learned hard work from his father, who was a Saint. He Volunteered in college and went on to the NFL, where he created over 400 jobs for touchdown-starved receivers. Manning promises more yardage and TDs in the second half. And with a creampuff schedule, he can deliver.

Candidate B:
Adrian Peterson. On Dec. 24, 2011, Peterson's world came crashing in. An ACL tear ended his season and put his future in jeopardy. But Peterson is a fighter. He fought back with intense rehab. He fought back with a positive attitude. He fought back against those who said he couldn't do it. And if elected, Peterson will fight for the yardage and scores your fantasy teams needs.

Results: Manning 54%, Peterson 46%


Candidate A:
Maurice Jones-Drew. Maurice Jones-Drew SAYS he will play again this year. But his team won't say when. Troubling. When other players were reporting for training camp, Jones-Drew was playing video games in his luxurious mansion. Why? And, unlike his opponent, Jones-Drew has two last names. Can we really trust a man who uses a hyphen?

Candidate B:
DeMarco Murray. Handed the Cowboys starting job, Murray responded with a 131-yard effort in Week 1. Since then, his season is a broken trail of broken promises that he broke. Poor production. One TD. Injuries. Uncertainty. Are you ready to put your team in the hands of a man named DeMarco?

Results: Jones-Drew 58%, Murray 42%


Candidate A:
Stevan Ridley. Four quality fantasy starts. Four single-digit fantasy starts. Ridley's eight games in 2012 have been a lesson in schizophrenia. He says he's a No. 1 RB, but in crunch time, he lets other players carry the load. And the Frostbite Falls Picayune Intelligence calls Stevan Ridley bad for middle-class fantasy owners.

Candidate B:
Jamaal Charles. On Sept. 23, Jamaal Charles teased America with 233 yards and a touchdown. Four weeks later, he rushed for 4 yards. Who is the real Jamaal Charles? Jamaal Charles claims he stands for rushing values, but in his four worst games, he's totaled 86 yards. Jamaal Charles: Bad for your fantasy team. Bad for America.

Results: Charles 51%, Ridley 49%,


Candidate A:
Cam Newton. As a child, Newton knew he was destined for greatness. With his superior talent, one college was not enough for Newton, so he went to three. At Auburn, he won the Heisman Trophy, and in the NFL, he's won over 26 percent of his games. Newton's plan is to feast on bad passing defenses and lead your team to a title.

Candidate B:
Chris Johnson. Many running backs face challenges. Johnson inherited a position ruined by the failed policies of the LenDale White administration. After early struggles, Johnson is ready to be a strong voice in your playoff run. There is still work to do. But with the Colts, Jets and Jaguars on the schedule, Johnson is the man to do it.

Results: Newton 60%, Johnson 40%.

Start these guys …

Mikel LeShoure, RB, Lions. A big disappointment so far in 2012. But against the NFL's last-place run defense, he's a sneaky play.

Cam Newton, QB, Panthers. Is your QB suffering? Try Redskins-brand defense. Redskins-brand defense: Good for your stat line.

Doug Martin, RB, Bucs. His audition for first round fantasy draft status in 2013 continues against Oakland.

Not These …

Julio Jones, WR, Falcons. Yeah, he's a stud, and you're not supposed to sit them. But did you see what the Cowboys D did to Victor Cruz last week? (2 catches, 23 yards)

Vick Ballard, RB, Colts. His OT touchdown last Sunday will make year-end highlight reels. He won't be on any this week.

Christian Ponder, QB, Vikings. If he's your bye week fill-in, look elsewhere.


The Dallas defense has been fantasy death to QBs.

Through seven games, the Cowboys have held teams under 250 yards passing six times, and only Jay Cutler threw for more than one TD in a game against them – two on Oct. 1.

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